Night Wakings: Why Is My Baby Waking So Much?
There is something about being woken up at 1:00 am that makes 7:00 am feel approximately 47 hours away.
Night Wakings & Connecting Sleep Cycles
You finally get your baby settled.
You close your eyes.
You start to drift off…
And then:
WAHHHH!
You stumble down the hallway, scoop them up, feed them, rock them, replace the pacifier, or climb into bed beside them.
And maybe you're wondering:
“Why can't my baby just stay asleep?”
Here's the thing:
Your baby actually does wake throughout the night.
We all do.
The difference is that some of us have learned how to move through those little wake-ups without fully waking up.
We all cycle through sleep.
Throughout the night, we move through different stages of sleep. As your baby moves from one sleep cycle into another, they may briefly stir.
They might:
Move around
Make a little noise
Open their eyes
Look for their pacifier
Cry out
Sit or stand
Call for you
A brief wake up isn't necessarily a problem. The challenge often comes when your baby needs the same conditions they had at bedtime in order to fall back asleep. If your little one falls asleep completely in your arms, for example, they may wake between cycles and think: “Wait…where did everything go?” & that's when they call for you.
This doesn't mean you have to stop comforting your baby.
This is something I really want parents to hear: Helping your baby develop independent sleep skills does not mean leaving them alone or ignoring their needs. There are so many ways to support sleep while remaining responsive and connected. The goal is to help your baby gradually become more confident in their ability to settle and resettle. Think of it as teaching a skill, not withdrawing love.
So how can you help?
Start with bedtime.
Night sleep often begins with what happens at bedtime. If your baby is falling asleep with a lot of support, start by looking at whether you can gently shift some of that support over time. Maybe instead of rocking completely to sleep, you rock until they're calm and then place them down. Maybe you gradually reduce the amount of hands on help.
Maybe you introduce a consistent bedtime routine that helps them know exactly what comes next.
There is no one size fits all approach.
Give them an opportunity to practice.
If your baby wakes after 45 minutes, it can be tempting to immediately jump in. Sometimes that's exactly what they need and other times, giving them a brief opportunity to see whether they can resettle can be helpful. You may notice grunting, babbling, or little cries that don't necessarily mean they're fully awake…
Pause.
Listen.
Observe.
You don't have to respond to every sound immediately.
Look at daytime sleep, too.
Night sleep doesn't exist in isolation - Nap timing, wake windows, feeding, development, environment, and your baby's overall sleep needs can all influence nighttime sleep. Sometimes the answer isn't simply sleep train, sometimes the schedule needs adjusting, sometimes your baby needs more daytime sleep, sometimes they need less. Sometimes they’re going through a developmental leap, and sometimes - they’re just having a rough night! That’s okay, too.
What about feeding overnight?
This is an important one… Babies have different nutritional needs depending on their age and circumstances, and overnight feeding should always be considered alongside their individual growth and feeding needs. If you're unsure whether your baby still needs nighttime feeds, that's a great conversation to have with your pediatrician or healthcare provider before making changes. Sleep consulting should never replace medical or nutritional guidance.
The goal isn't “never wake.”
The goal is confidence.
A baby who wakes overnight isn't necessarily a baby who sleeps poorly.
A toddler who occasionally wakes isn't necessarily back at square one.
Sleep is fluid.
There will be teething.
Illness.
Travel.
Developmental milestones.
Growth spurts.
Big feelings.
Bad dreams.
And nights where everyone just needs a little extra cuddle.
The beautiful thing is that sleep skills can be strengthened again.
If you're exhausted...
Please don't convince yourself that you just have to “survive” the next few years - You deserve rest too. Your baby deserves a safe and supportive sleep environment and your family deserves nights that feel more predictable. Sometimes the first step isn't changing your child's sleep, it's simply understanding why they're waking in the first place.Once you understand the why, the next steps become so much clearer.
Until our next little sleep chat - Sending you a big virtual hug and cup of coffee.
Rye